Another day finished and I am home SOBER! Hurrah! Almost, almost decided to hit my hangouts after watching Noh theater. It was nearby my hangout area and I wanted a hit after sitting for two and a half hours. BUT....drum roll.....I thought, well, do you want to go home in the morning? And I said, no, I want to go ride my horse tomorrow morning, which means getting home NOW and into bed so I can be up by 5 a.m. and get out to the stable.
The question has worked thus far...about 2-3 days. I know the day will come when I will try to say, having one drink doesn't mean I'll stay out till morning and, yeah, maybe it won't, but I won't try it till I CAN stay out til morning and I have the morning to burn doing so. And that should be a while.
So, for today, I'm home.
Ah yes, the reason for the heading and this is sad. I bought Saltine crackers today because the other morning, I was dying from a hangover with nothing in the house to eat. I needed to get something in my stomach. Being so addicted to caffeine means that's the first part, being able to keep down coffee, but then I need to get some food in because chances are I haven't eaten anything for about 16 hours...God, do I sound pathetic or what??!?!? So, I was thinking, yeah, gotta keep some crackers on stock. And today, because I wanted to give someone a taste at work of the new almond butter I'd bought all the way from the States (and it took 3 months to get here!) I bought crackers. AND, I was thinking, oh, good, now I have some for those mornings when I've been drinking all night...and I stopped!!!!!......and thought, oh, no, honey, them days are OVER!!!
Here's die Daumen druecken and all that.
Friday, October 17, 2008
two major saves....
Well, I've had some good days. In fact, I've had all but one good day since my last post. On the alcohol and another bad day on sugar. But, in the big picture, which is my mantra nowadays, I've been doing well.
I've decided I have to learn from the "bad days" and, by doing so, turn them into good days. They say the worst thing to do is to start hating yourself for falling off the wagon, whether that's the non-drinking wagon, the weight-loss wagon or whatever.
On the other hand, too much "loving yourself" can lead to a too-permissive attitude I think. Gotta crack down but in a loving way....hmmm, easier said than done.
Anyhow, I had two excellent, impressive saves yesterday. The first was not drinking though I was in a bar doing an interview and being offered free beer. Turned that down with my new realization...I cannot simply have one. It wasn't so obvious to me before and I think I was able to stop at one or two, but not these days. My mind changes. The things I didn't want to do sober I suddenly want to do with even a touch of alcohol in my bloodstream. And those things include going to bar after bar and meeting all the people I haven't seen in a while and going home by taxi past dawn. So, I ask myself, do you want to go home past dawn? Chances are good I won't and so I don't allow myself the first beer.
The second save was because I was feeling anxious after the interview (weird, I know, as this isn't a job interview but a talk with someone I'm going to write about) that I thought I would indulge myself by buying books, another of my vices. Yeah, yeah, I think, books are good, but not when you don't have the money and are using the credit card to buy them. Still, I went to the store, browsed around, picked up a couple I wanted, thought some more and finally PUT THEM DOWN and left! WOW!!
I've decided I have to learn from the "bad days" and, by doing so, turn them into good days. They say the worst thing to do is to start hating yourself for falling off the wagon, whether that's the non-drinking wagon, the weight-loss wagon or whatever.
On the other hand, too much "loving yourself" can lead to a too-permissive attitude I think. Gotta crack down but in a loving way....hmmm, easier said than done.
Anyhow, I had two excellent, impressive saves yesterday. The first was not drinking though I was in a bar doing an interview and being offered free beer. Turned that down with my new realization...I cannot simply have one. It wasn't so obvious to me before and I think I was able to stop at one or two, but not these days. My mind changes. The things I didn't want to do sober I suddenly want to do with even a touch of alcohol in my bloodstream. And those things include going to bar after bar and meeting all the people I haven't seen in a while and going home by taxi past dawn. So, I ask myself, do you want to go home past dawn? Chances are good I won't and so I don't allow myself the first beer.
The second save was because I was feeling anxious after the interview (weird, I know, as this isn't a job interview but a talk with someone I'm going to write about) that I thought I would indulge myself by buying books, another of my vices. Yeah, yeah, I think, books are good, but not when you don't have the money and are using the credit card to buy them. Still, I went to the store, browsed around, picked up a couple I wanted, thought some more and finally PUT THEM DOWN and left! WOW!!
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