I decided, and, yes, it was kind of conscious, to eat sugar for the third day straight the other day. I had a small binge, nothing too outrageous, but enough to call forth memories of much bigger ones. Then yesterday I started again with the self-imposed sugar ban and got through the day.
When I came home from work the bag of candy from a box my sister had sent me for Christmas box (the bag is tied and on a high shelf) called loudly to me and i was about to tear into it, but then just said, NO!
Yes, I am tired of it all. My weight is creeping up. I did get to the gym yesterday. But, it seems to be all for nought. My body is resisting. The stars seem set against me. It shouldn't be this hard. It's just not right.
On the booze front, I was going to allow myself to drink tonight and still might, but invitations to countdown parties have me turned off. I would prefer a quiet evening with a friend and a couple glasses of something and that's it. But that's not going to happen, one, because I have so few friends and two, because everyone is elsewhere or doing something else for the Eve. There's a cool invite to a party at some bar where a friend is singing in the band, but it's far from home and even though the trains run all night here tonight, the thought of all these seriously drunken, extremely loud people is a turnoff. Some weeks ago, it would have been a draw. I would have been one of them, at least the seriously drunken part. But the thought of ending nearly two months of total abstinence with a night like it will surely be at this bar, known in normal times, apparently, for its "serious" drinking, is scary, truly scary.
Here's hoping I can get through the day with a semblance of self-control.
Here's hoping I can get through the day with a semblance of self-control.
Posts
